A name is a powerful thing.

Shiv SHivvers. Shivblitz. Sheepies. Maaaaaahon. Shimone. Shivviez.
Deloria is a much easier name than some others...

Lets start with Siobahn... In school I was 1 of 4 girls in my class of 30 with the same name.. Only they were all Siobhan.. feckin irish (We're in Northern Irleand by the way so why the feck does it matter?).
Thats a self dox by the way.. Name and location. Two more for the list.

So I had teachers correcting my homework by crossing out my name and replacing the 'h'.
"Siobahn is not good Irish"

'kay. (My passport says UK but I'm not allowed to say that am I? I'm not sure what the rules are any more).

So online I have other names.

Murderkiss! Everin! Deloria! Lightness! Killerkitty! Softpaws! (love that movie).
Plus some others. *sigh* Dulcinea...

My first online thing was IMVU - which is a 3d thing where you make avatars and stand around and chat in small rooms. It was great for RP. Its where I really learned to type.
Also it was my first foray into the adult side of the internet. My PC was pretty locked down but IMVU had 2 modes where the adult part was locked behind *AP* access.

AP means Access Pass and it used to be creditcard locked. It doesn't mean "adult" so much as "we're not really looking at what this stuff is unless someone complains about it"...

So really yeah it means Adult stuff.

OMG I wanted AP so bad. Every now and then in the store you'd get these little hints of what AP could be about..
"BDSM table with leather restraints"... access denied! No AP No BDSM for you.

To cut a long story very short I got my little fingers on a creditcard and went full AP... tw'was the beginning of a dark dark road towards debauchery. Hello BDSM!

Well no. Actually I just learned that some people really like dressing up as cats. I eas a furry!!As a (11? 12?) year old I thought Yiffy was perfectly brilliant.

Who the feck DOESN*T wish they were a cat? Ammirite? God I could tell you the stories...

nMn__=>^.^<=__nMn

    **Kitty pounce**

This is *not* my avatar. My IMVU is long gone now. But I did the teals and whites like this.

Softpaws curls up in the lap of her new master and purrs happily. She nomms his fingers with the furious might of an enraged toothbrush. It might actually start to hurt in an hour or two - but she feels she should get 10 out of 10 for effort.

Gentle reader, If RP isn't your thing I understand I just gave you another reason to want to hate me. But feckit I giggle. I loved that other people could get erections as I described wandering around a house chewing the furniture. I loved wearing a collar and getting punished and being loved in one moment - and then switching to a haughty drow in chainmail and leather and slapping down illiterate wannabe barbarians with smooth words and cocky combat intros.

The thing for me really was the Roleplay... That was what I really learned to love. I met a really nice group of 30, 40 50 somethings who were all into old RP like D&D and had this new thing going on called T1 Para RP: Basically this combat RP where a typist uses paragraphs of text to defeat an opponent.. all with the power of words.

I was never good at chess - but I loved to read. Like seriously I actually thought Don Quixote was a magical book when I was 10. My first real RP character was a lovely plump maiden called Dulcinea. (Who also happened to be a kick-ass undead vampire slayer btw).

I came alive in Dulcinea. I was hanging with people older than me and.. learning to be like them. They laughed at my jokes and had me on their friends list. I even erp'ed with a few of them - plagerizing sexy lines out of online erotic fiction and memorizing them. And people used to compliment me on my descriptivness and lively fantasy :P Some people paid me to rp with them! the hussy!
So in the end I started to write my own stories - and had a lovely time. I had one good Master.. a couple of OK mistresses. Lots of fun encounters and a few horror stories.


By the time I was 13.. I think I was a pretty good writer. Sucky Grammar. Sucky Mary Jane stories. A propensity to overuse an overly descriptive and confabulated vocabulary in efforts to hide an all too apparent insecurity and immaturity (see?). But noone ever really challenged me on the age thing. I easily passed for 18 - 20 - 22.

Funny thing is the habits you build as a sneaky age thief on the internet. But I really think: this is a normal thing now. Something old people have NO CLUE about. This is how kids grow up in the online world. And especially if online becomes such a retreat from the shit of realife. Even for a kid.

What if Mary Shelley had been a fangirl for Overwatch? What if Emily Bronte and her sisters were into warcraft? Would they have wanted to find the same channels I did?

The stuff we are curious about has always been behind locked doors... Little boys stealing their dad's girly mags from a locked draw. Children playing with guns. Prepubescent girls leanring to talk sex in disguise in chat rooms. I can't judge it really. I don't think it did me any harm. Maybe by 15 I had a few more explicit words in my vocabulary than most normal teenager? But probably not. I was typing about it. Everyone else was probably off out in the world doing it.

If Siobahn (can you promounce it? Most can't to look at it). hadn't been so fecked up and damged from all the shrinkage maybe she would have been off doing it to. But she wasn't.. So Dulcinea and Everin and Deloria were.